My Sunshine

"My sunshine doesn't come from the sky. It comes from the love that's in my Lucie's eyes."

On Saturday, Feb 19 the morning started off normally. Lucie woke me up at 3am for a potty break. She walked outside, did both and walked back in all ok. After breakfast she wasn't interested in going outside right after so around 9am when we went outside I knew she would need a pee. But this time she struggled on the walk out. She couldn't hold herself up to potty so we put the back end of her harness on for extra support. She still didn't go. I know she can hold it for a long time so I thought she definitely will at 11am. She did not.

Now I was concerned. Called VSNT and they said to take her to the ER that's in the same building as they are. They said that they would provide all the information so we wouldn't have to start from scratch. Lucie was so brave and handled one more ER visit like a pro. The Vet on call said all they could do was give her a shot for pain to get her to her emergency appointment with the Oncologist on Monday. Since we had no other option, we approved the pain med shot. They gave her Methadone Hcl Injection 10mg/ml. That is not a route that I will take with my dogs again if given a choice of pain meds. Since she had not urinated since 3am, I asked if there was anything that they could do for her. They did an ultrasound of her bladder and said it didn't look very big. They tried to get her to go outside but she did not. They also confirmed that her back right foot was cupping and that she was not using it much.

We got her home and she did rest for a while, she was really out of it. She ate dinner well and when we took her outside, still no pee. Later in the evening, she had the worst nose bleed she has ever had. We gave her a Yunnan Baiyao capsule that she was prescribed. About an hour later it sounded as if she was trying to throw up but it was weird. Like a water sound. We believe she aspirated the capsule we gave her. We had her stand up and thought she got it all up. 

It was a nice cold evening so my husband spent some time outside with her which she enjoyed. After that she rested ok until breakfast. When I got her up she ate breakfast well. When we got her up to go outside she was not able to use her back legs much at all. My husband carried her out, with the help of her harness supporting her she still did not urinate. As I was watching her, she looked up at my husband and then looked up at me and her look said, I'm hurting, I'm tired, I'm ready.

A Vet at Loving Paws Veterinary House Calls had an afternoon appointment available. Lucie spent the rest of her day outside with me in her favorite spot in the yard. We watched my husband make her burgers on the grill which she loved and for desert she had an ice cream cone. She barked at the squirrels and got lots of love, cuddles and kisses. She went peacefully, on my lap, in our arms surrounded by love.

I'm absolutely heartbroken over our Lucie girl but I know that she is no longer in pain. She was always so stoic and strong even in the end when her cancer had most likely spread elsewhere. I have spent this week picking up the pieces, feeling completely lost and being a hot mess. The heart and soul has left our pack and now we all have to find a way forward. One of my favorite things to do was to sing to her. It was breaking my heart that I would never sing to her again. Then I came to the realization this afternoon that even though she is gone, I can still sing to her. So I did and I felt more peaceful after that than I have all week. I feel her with me again. We were blessed to have had her be a part of our family for 13 years. That's a ton of wonderful memories that I will hold close to my heart.